Subject: The muscles your PT doesn’t teach you to build
Preheader: No protein shakes required

Hi %user.name_f%,

Yvette here.

I'm a Nonviolent Communication Facilitator working with the NVC Academy.

I've been thinking about a story I shared in a blog post five years ago (to the day, if the scheduling of this email goes to plan!).

You can read the original post, but I encourage you to stay right here with me in your inbox since this version lays out a next step I'm inviting you to take. 😉

So, five years and one week ago, my compulsive "yesses" caught up with me in a major way.

Stretched far too thin, I dropped the ball in a number of places:

> I was distracted with my friends
> My patience was running on empty in my parenting
> I didn't meet deadlines I'd agreed to
> And then in my mind, "the biggest mistake of all" - I didn't edit out some sensitive information in a report before it went public.

🌪 Cue shame spiral. 🌪

Flushed cheeks, burning skin, a hard knot in my stomach, shakiness and nausea, holding my breath and wishing the earth would just swallow me up for a few years.

Shame is an intensely painful experience.

I'd regularly write and teach about developing the capacity to feel your feelings, to welcome them, to allow them to move through you…

…but none of that was going to work for me with this shame attack.

Shame is the last thing I ever want to feel.

I wanted to jump out of my skin rather than feel this level of shame.

So what did I do?

> I stopped returning phone calls
> I disconnected from the internet
> I told people close to me that I was "fine" in a curt tone
> I imagined all sorts of ways of saying I was sorry a hundred different ways to a hundred different people
> I imagined moving to a new country
> I imagined changing jobs
> I argued with everyone in my head defending myself and arguing my side of it
> I got angry and defensive.
> Then silent and withdrawn.

Finally, when I'd reached my own limit of wallowing,

I called a friend.

"I'm so stuck in my shame right now that I can't think straight. I need a reality check."

She listened and laughed, knowingly.

Relief.

"Your mistake muscles just aren't as strong as you'd like them to be," she reflected gently.

Mistake Muscles.

What a gorgeous phrase.

💪 💪 💪 Since then, I've been building my mistake muscles — and the ability to bring myself back to life after getting swept up in a shame spiral.

And I've learned how to be tender with myself when I feel exposed.

Turning self-judgment into self-compassion has been a transformative pathway to greater self-acceptance.

It's given me the ability to bounce back from difficult situations

And I feel so much better about myself overall.

I've learnt to give myself the same empathy I might offer a friend.

And to be kind to myself.

Because shame cannot grow when it is met with empathy and compassion.

When we can accept ourselves however we show up,

>> we build resilience.
>> Setbacks become opportunities for growth.
>>Our sense of self-worth deepens.

And little by little we can unlock the potential that lies within us.

The potential to

>> take brave steps,
>> speak up,
>> move forwards,
>> follow your dreams.

Join me for From Inner Critic to Inner Coach: Unleash Your Deeper Potential to learn how to overcome the negative self- talk that often accompanies mistakes.

And pick up the tools to create a compassionate relationship with yourself, build resilience and celebrate your personal strengths.

We start on Monday.

Recordings available to everyone who registers.

Will you join, %user.name_f%?

Warmly, Yvette Erasmus Licensed Clinical Psychologist, LP and Nonviolent Communication Facilitator This email is based on my previously published blog post,   Growing shame? Do This Instead– edited and republished here in collaboration with the NVC Academy, to promote my upcoming course, From Inner Critic to Inner Coach: Unleash Your Deeper Potential. PS - Turning self-judgment into self-compassion is a transformative pathway to greater self-acceptance. It requires building your mistake muscles. Want to learn how? Join me, Yvette Erasmus, for my 5-week course From Inner Critic to Inner Coach: Unleash Your Deeper Potential. Starts Monday. Recordings available to everyone who registers.