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NVC Resources on Listening

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  1. Empathizing with Someone Who is Silent

    Empathizing with Someone Who is Silent

    Mary Mackenzie

    Trainer Tips · 1 - 2 minutes · 7/4/2019

    Trainer Tip: When someone is unresponsive it can be an opportunity to bring in more presence and connection through empathy. They may be worried that if they speak they'll say something they'll regret. Or they may want to know that their needs matters as much as yours. They may also need more space to clarify their thoughts.

  2. Mediating Conflicts

    Mediating Conflicts

    Mary Mackenzie

    Trainer Tips · 1 - 2 minutes · 7/28/2019

    Trainer Tip: When there's conflict if you set the intention to connect and build trust first, you're more likely to move towards resolution. This can be built through offering reflections that captures essence of what's important to each party. Once connection and trust is established, then begin the process of creating strategies and solutions.

  3. Mediating with a Group

    Mediating with a Group

    Mary Mackenzie

    Trainer Tips · 1 - 2 minutes · 7/29/2019

    Trainer Tip: People struggle to come to agreement when they don’t feel heard. So as a mediator, facilitate the process by asking all parties to reflect the essence of what's important to other parties. This is critical. Once everyone is confident that their needs have been heard, you'll notice the energy in the room relaxing. Then you can brainstorm strategies that will value everyone’s needs, and are focused on what they want to happen.

  4. Honesty as a Means to Connect

    Honesty as a Means to Connect

    Mary Mackenzie

    Trainer Tips · 1 - 2 minutes · 8/10/2019

    Trainer Tip: Notice an opportunity today to use honesty as a means to connect with someone else. Consider what type of honesty might stimulate pain in others.

  5. Expressing Ourselves Honestly

    Expressing Ourselves Honestly

    Mary Mackenzie

    Trainer Tips · 1 - 2 minutes · 8/28/2019

    Trainer Tip: Be aware of opportunities to be honest holding the intention to connect with people. If you do this with the elements of brevity, directness, and respect, you can increase your chances of being heard. If they don't like your honesty, consider switching to empathizing with them by listening to their feelings and needs.

  6. How to Hear Difficult Messages

    How to Hear Difficult Messages

    Mary Mackenzie

    Trainer Tips · 1 - 2 minutes · 3/9/2020

    Trainer Tip: Be aware of opportunities today to choose empathizing over arguing with someone who is angry, and notice how it affects your ability to resolve the situation. Read on for more.

  7. Meeting Our Need for Trust

    Meeting Our Need for Trust

    Mary Mackenzie

    Trainer Tips · 1 - 2 minutes · 6/8/2021

    Trainer Tip: When you suspect someone is lying, consider how it may be less important what the truth is. Instead, notice whether your need for trust is met. Without blame, nor labelling. you can make specific requests to meet your needs, while also respecting the other person’s needs. Read on for more.

  8. Safe Experimentation

    Safe Experimentation

    Mary Mackenzie

    Trainer Tips · 1 - 2 minutes · 6/17/2021

    Trainer Tip: Instead of trying for perfection, let’s try safe experimentation: Acknowledge that whenever we try a new behavior, it’s bound to take us a few times before we get it right. Read on for how we can do this. We'll use learning empathy as an example.

  9. When Hearing A “No”

    When Hearing A “No”

    Demanding Versus Persisting

    Mary Mackenzie

    Trainer Tips · 2 - 3 minutes · 12/20/2021

    Trainer Tip: When they say "no", acknowledge what people are saying "yes" to. From there, you persist towards a resolution that values both party's needs, without demand. Persisting is when we try to meet needs by continuing to connect with another. Demanding is when we insist someone do something, or else face negative repercussions. Showing care and willingness to work with people can help them to want to collaborate and resolve conflict.

  10. The Value of Change

    The Value of Change

    Mary Mackenzie

    Trainer Tips · 1 - 2 minutes · 12/29/2021

    Trainer Tip: Wanting collaboration? Show you value the other person's needs as much as your own. After you both feel heard, you can make joint decisions about specifics of the agreement, such as "division of work", "scope of project", "when the action will take place", "how it'll be done" and "timing of follow up to see how things went". Read on for an example of how this is applied to asking someone to pitch in with doing chores.

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